Closely apart
by I just love yaoi
Summary: Angst. Gii and Takumi are adults, living together, loving each other and promised to always do. But…
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! so here I am again with another story ^^ hope you'll like it :)**

**Author's note: I had a scenario in mind and tried to build a story around it, I tried to write it like I wanted to but whatever I wrote wasn't enough and no matter what I thought I wasn't satisfied. Then I stopped thinking and I let this story write itself. Now I realize that this kind of writing tried to come out from me but I didn't let it. Now that I finally did I'm very satisfied with it.**

**I wrote this keeping in mind two main traits of Gii and Takumi. Those are Gii's tendencies of keeping things to himself and Takumi's character that tends to close off if hurt or betrayed.**

**It's from Takumi's POV**  
**You'll find Regular POV here and there written _in italic_.**

**Read it slowly, and.. let me hear your thoughts!**

**Please enjoy :)**

* * *

We felt the excitement of what was going to come, what we had promised, of the future lying before us, just there before our eyes, for our hands to catch without effort. We saw it, and dreamt about it, feeling the happiness that even only thinking about it brought. We sat one in the arms of the other, rejoicing in that promise, that little word that made it real.

Yes.

Our life together, as accomplices to face our life, not just mine or his, but for us, as a unique creature.

We dreamt happily together, with silly smiles and playful teasing, all was calm and time seemed to be awaiting us, awaiting our coming life together, not just awaiting it, but giving us a taste of it. It was like it had already begun.

Now, as I still feel that excitement through me, I can't feel at ease. My beloved seems thoughtful, and although he doesn't show it, I know he must be growing worried about something.  
So here I am now, in our living room, pretending to read a book on the sofa, while instead my full attention, and my gaze, is fully directed at my special someone across the room, who today seems to have lost his beautiful smile, and who, when his phone rang I realized, must have been waiting for a phone call.

Honey, what's going on? I wish you'd tell me...

**-:-**

Fleeting moments together.

Pretending everything's aright.

Time apart.

Nothingness.

That's what we have, what's insinuating between us.

Our talks, when did they disappear? When did I start to feel this longing for you? Are you really here, this close to me? How is it possible for me to start feeling this loneliness, this fear of losing you when you're just in front of my eyes?

It hurts. Why won't you confide in me? Do you really prefer to let this distance increase?

I miss you.

I miss my lover, my confident, my friend, the only one person who showed me what _happiness_ really is.

Please come back to me.

I need you.

I didn't know it could be possible for my eyes to have never ending tears forming in them. That just thinking about what I'm losing created this heavy and empty aching in me. That I would fear being without you. That this fear would choke me and tie me down.  
I'm unable to fight.

Help me.

**-:- **

It's been a long time since we were alone in the same room, no one disturbing us, not even phones ringing.

You're still not talking to me.

And I can't help but watching you. No more pretending. I won't pretend that I didn't notice, that you're not hurting me, that I didn't see you're hurting too. I'm tired of pretenses coming from either of us.

But you seem to have forgotten an important thing. I know you. Inside out. Just as you know me. And I know you pretty damn well. There's absolute no use in pretending. And I know what's distressing you my dear.

We are alone, in the same room, in our home, but we're far from together. You're keeping your head held down, your light brown hair does little to cover your sadness. I see you're not going to share your troubles with me, how much longer will you keep fighting this by yourself? How far do you intend to go by yourself? Love, I'm right here, won't you rely on me? We promised, don't leave me out now.

I'm watching you, and I'm tired of waiting. Honey did you forget? You thought me how not to give up. You thought me how to fight.

Yes, it hurts. I feel my tears fighting their way out even more now, but my love, you have always been my source of strength.

"Gii" I'm confident while walking up to you, I know you didn't notice me coming closer. From the chair you slowly raise your head after hearing your name. My voice is firm. I'm determined. There's no escaping now.

When our eyes met you looked surprised. Is it for the look in my eyes? That sadness, you put that there. You realize the impact of our situation just now because it's been too long since you last really looked at me, as you've always done.

"Just talk to me already" I can hear my voice, it's so strange. With some resignation in it, emptiness threatens to surface again, but you just look at me silently.

So I go on.

"Do your family not accept me?" It's what you didn't want to say. Hearing it pains you. Is that pain for me, for yourself? Or for us?

Silence.

Deafening silence. I was right.

I long to know what you're thinking.

A tear. A solitary tear escaped my eye unwillingly prompted by the feeling of rejection.

I wasn't wanted.

"It doesn't change anything between us" Oh Gii..

A mocking sigh. Don't you see it?

"It already did"

That pained look in your eyes, I've always wished I never had to see such a look. But my love, please forgive me if this is too much, I need to leave right now.

You didn't stop me. And we couldn't say anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

It's the silence that hurts.

The way you ponder every word before speaking.

How we look as two strangers living in the same house.

I never wanted to know this atmosphere in the room when we're alone. It's so heavy I sometime fear it can choke me.

No more loving glances between us. No more silly smiles.  
No talks.

Just the overgrowing knowledge of a situation we can do nothing about. A situation that's ruling us. Playing with our lives. Wanting to break us. Succeeding a bit more in every word unspoken.

I love you. Why can't we snap out of this and walk together again towards our dreams?

I'm starting to forget how your eyes shine in happiness, how your laugh lit up your whole face, how those sights make my heart skip a bit, and race uncontrollably when I realize that that beauty is directed at me only and it's all because of me.

We can't look at each other. Be it for not wanting to see the hurt on the face of the person we love more in the world, or for this thing in us that won't let us erase this distance.

I don't know why. Maybe there's something wrong in me, but now that it's all in the open I can't get close to you. Now that we could talk we can't get past this barrier that we ourselves somehow created.

And I wish for nothing more than to have you back.

**-:- **

I saw you watching me while I was on the phone with my manager, and I know we were thinking about the same thing. The day of the concert in the national orchestra is coming soon. I'll have to leave for a few days. How will this affect our relationship?

Maybe we need this physical distance. Maybe feeling this apart right now is what's hurting us. Maybe we could find a way within ourselves to get closer again.

I ended the call but I'm still standing in the same spot, looking out the window... I feel like I've done nothing but think lately and I'm suffocating. This mood is suffocating me, slowly killing me inside, but I don't know what to do.

I notice that Gii is now standing close to me. I can't look in his eyes. He says my name but when I see his hand extending out to me I step back.

And I immediately curse myself.

Just why on earth did my body move away!? I can see his pained expression, oh Gii I don't want to hurt you! Why can't I say anything?! Gii..

As you walk away, I feel the same pain you're feeling slicing up my chest.

**-:-**

While I'm needed for just a couple of days to stay away from home, that are the day of the concert and the one before it, I decided to prolong my stay for all the days we'll practice, thus prolonging my leave for a few weeks. Even if there is no need to since I'd be able to reach Tokyo by train without inconvenience for as long as it's needed.

I'd have preferred that Gii wouldn't be at home while I was packing, but he's here and that's how he discovered I'll be leaving earlier than he thought.

"Do you need to stay overnight?" Rhetorical question. I hear it from his voice that he dreads his guess is correct: there is no need for me to, but I'm going to nonetheless.

Gii is standing on the doorframe looking my way, he's trying to sound normal but I can hear the sadness that no one else could grasp. I don't answer his quietly spoken question, instead I continue with packing slowly.

I don't want to see the look on his face, because I've seen that hurt too much lately.

I know why he asked, and I know there are many questions surrounding the one he voiced; but as we are right now, how's the situation between us, he can't speak them aloud.

I don't want it to be this tense between us, I don't want to feel this sadness.

A long moment of uneasy silence followed his question before I chose to answer "It's more practical if I do, that way I don't have to waste time on train and I'll have more time to rest and practice" that wasn't completely an excuse, but both of us know very well that in other circumstances I'd have preferred a train journey anytime, even if it was a long one if I could spend more time with him.

Awkward silence filled the room. I zipped up my bag and lifted it up the bed. I walked towards Gii who didn't move from the doorframe but I didn't stop in front of him, without looking in his eyes I walked out of the bedroom.

"Are you going now? Isn't it still early to go?" Gii said quietly, almost afraid to say something wrong.

I slowed down to a halt.

Silence.

I couldn't think of another convenient excuse for leaving early.

There wasn't.

In the silent room we stood, pensively, not even looking at each other. "I'm going then" I said at last. Then, with a broken heart and without looking back, I closed the door behind me leaving Gii standing frozen in the middle of the room.

_… "__Take care" Gii said in the empty house.  
He stood there for some more time until he let his legs lead him to the couch and let himself fall on it. He couldn't help but think how that scene looked just like a goodbye. Like Takumi left for good.  
'He is coming back' Gii had to recall his bleeding heart 'He didn't leave' _


	3. Chapter 3

I didn't realize. I should have felt it within me.

A coldness was surfacing. Harsh.

My eyes becoming bitter.

I didn't realize right away but it hit me full force while playing, since the only way for my feelings to come out was through my violin. To the audience it was the greatest display of emotion, so strong as though those strings were about to break any second, as the violin itself was screaming so forcefully letting out every feeling until becoming empty and finally being able to breathe again.

Impetuous playing.

The bitterness may have gone. But I still don't feel like I could easily breathe.

**-:-**

I'm on my way back, but this time I don't go directly back home. I chose to stop by a ramen shop on the way ignoring the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach reminding me of what I'm trying to avoid by that.

I ate unhurriedly. All the time my mind has been reversed to Gii. Is he having dinner too? Where is he?

How are you feeling?

Did anything happen with your parents while I was away?

We never contacted each other during this time and my anxiety is growing.

Do you still want me?

Gii…

**-:-**

I reach our familiar front door. And I just stand here for a moment, keys in hand ready to open the door. Breathing's getting hard, I'm almost afraid of going in.

I turn the key in the lock and step inside. Quietly.  
The lights are out.  
"He's not here…" the huge sigh I release calms my racing heart. I'm somehow grateful I don't have to face him just yet.

**-:- **

Noises. I slowly open my eyes to darkness. A light comes from the other room. And I hear it again, faint noises I was woken up from, coming from outside the bedroom.

My heart jolts.

Gii!

I'm completely awake now. I listen attentively. I concentrate on those noises trying to figure out what he's doing and where is he exactly.

Steps becoming louder. I know he must have realized I'm back. My bags are still in the living room.  
He's quietly reaching the bed.

My heart's throbbing. I remain still.

I can't see him because I'm facing the other way.

Then a light movement of the mattress.

I feel him.

I feel his presence and I feel his body as if we were touching.

He's getting closer. He's sat on his side but his hand is now hovering over my head.

My heart is beating so loudly I fear he's able to hear it. And I wonder how he can't, while instead I hear an incontrollable noise even if it's all quite around us.

Silence.

Stillness.

He doesn't move.

How long did this moment last I wonder.

I feel him moving away.

His hand is gone.

My heart bleeds.

My eyes burn.

Gii!

But I do nothing.

He's laying down and we'll spend a sleepless and tiring night.

**-:-**

_Just a bit after dawn Takumi climbed out the bed and careful to make as little noise as possible he hurriedly took his clothes before exiting the bedroom. All the while trying not to look at Gii for fear he'd wake up._

_When the alarm went off, a groggy Gii reached out his arm to turn it off. With his mind still full of sleep, he kept his hand over it for a while before he remembered: "Takumi!" he said with a start lifting up his upper body from the bed and turning to the other side of it. But his eyes went wide, it was empty.  
'It wasn't a dream, right?' he thought sadly 'Right…?' with a sigh of dejection he sunk down in bed where he lied for a moment before he walked out the bedroom looking for traces of Takumi in the house.  
His luggage was in the living room, like he saw the night before, but his violin wasn't there so he realized where he must have gone to.  
'Isn't it really early..?' he mused brokenly to himself, thinking about why Takumi should wake up so early in the morning to play right on the day after a strenuous concert._

**-:- **

When I came back home I was surprised to note he was there. He came back earlier. I can imagine the reason why.

Drawing in a deep breath I look inside from the doorway and he's there.

Oh.

How long it's been without me looking at you? Finally I can see you again.

But something's holding me back.

We're not the same.

This silence that seized our home still didn't leave us. I walk slowly inside, you're watching me and even if I don't show it I'm delighted to see the smallest smile on you as you saw me.

"Welcome back" you say quietly as if afraid of something. This tense atmosphere hurts. It has never been like this between us.

"Tadaima" my voice is so small in the silence.

I walk past him, to rest my violin on the table. And I just stand there with my back on Gii.

"Takumi, can we talk?" my heart throbs at hearing your voice. And it's hurting for the sorrow I hear in it.

You're walking up to me and suddenly my heart drums frantically in my chest, my anxiety growing, breath quickens, I can't think and I wish for time to slow down. No, I can't face you just yet.

We're one in front of the other but I have trouble looking in your eyes.  
I'm still unmoving. But as you open your mouth to talk I react immediately, and I stop you.

"No, stop. I don't want-" I'm stumbling on my words. Your eyes widen in surprise.

"Takumi…?" you're not aware that what hurt me the most it's not your family not accepting me, us. But how you handled it all by yourself. How you excluded me.

"I'm part of our relationship, don't leave me out of it"

I can't say if it was the broken tone of my voice or what I said that startled Gii so much that he couldn't answer.

**-:- **

Even though we don't go to sleep together, we're still sleeping in the same bed. Not because we don't have any other option. When I woke up we were face to face.  
While you slept I just watched you. Unconsciously I've raised my hand quietly to softly trace the side of your face in a butterfly touch.

Why did you act like you were distancing me? Thinking about the possibilities makes my heart ache.  
With a cast down sigh I turn around to get off the bed, but just when I was getting up a strong hand grabbed my forearm to pull me back. Startled I turn around.  
I thought you were still in deep sleep.

Grave eyes.

No more sparkling adorned them.

"I'm sorry. I didn't rely on you and without wanting to I pushed you away." Your voice broke "I'm sorry"

I know. I believe you.

I love you.

But this barrier in me still didn't disappear and I can't say it yet.

"I can't…" to hide my tears that you could hear from my voice, I walk away.

And then I realized: the more you left me out, the more me too have closed off to you. And we can't just go back to before.


	4. Chapter 4

Now I can easily feel it in me.

Blackout.

The way something inside me works to block everything out.

And I don't _feel_.

It's like I'm waiting. Lying on a boat, letting myself been swayed by the ocean.

And I don't move.

Everything flows off me. Until no bad feelings can be felt.

But I realized, I don't want to fall back into that illusion.

I can't.

I won't.

Because I have much more to lose which would distraught me way more than this hurt ever could.

-:-

I was reading my agenda when a turn on the lock made my heart skip a beat, I looked up.  
My heartbeat sped up while waiting for Gii to stand on my view in place of the closed door.

My breath caught. And there he is.

I straightened up a bit and waited for him to come inside.

When Gii reached the living room, he stopped for a second noticing me. His features reflecting his grief.  
Neither of us said a word.  
After a few moments where our eyes just locked, we both returned to our tasks. The weight on both our hearts growing a bit bigger still.

-:-

Empty.

Alone.

As he stood I watched my Gii, whose heart I hope, I still hold.  
He was walking back and forth, doing what, I don't know, but I watched him.  
Dressed in his tight jeans, barefoot and in that shirt that fit him so well. His hands holding some sheets while he walked around.

In another kind of situation he would hug me when passing near me. His hands would clasp mine. He would make me feel warm all over. My senses would be full of him. His cologne mixed with his own perfume would surround me.  
And instead of this silence I would hear his sensual voice. Instead of silence he would tell me his thoughts, he'd tell me what's inside his heart. Instead of indifference I would be the recipient of his carefulness; my lover would ask me if I was alright if he saw a frown on my face or simply wouldn't see a smile; his concerned voice would be all it took for me to gain that smile back, and at that my lover would smile at me and kiss me fondly, sweetly. He'd make me feel so loved that I could let go of the sadness. He'd make me able to cry on his shoulder until the hurt went away, feeling like the only thing holding me together are his arms enfolding me.  
I would think what a miracle it was to have this man by my side, loving me, supporting me. How happy I was that such gorgeous and caring man is in my life and would always be.  
But now I have to face being alone. With you here.

Without noticing my gaze fell on the floor and I wasn't aware of him until I heard "Takumi…?"  
a concerned voice startled me out of my longing and my sad thoughts.

My head snapped up to see my beloved watching me with concern "What is it?" he asked softly, but I didn't understand the meaning of the question until I felt another hot drop fall from my eyes.

I immediately brought one hand up to cover them and turned around "I don't know really" I managed to say bringing a fake smile on my words stupidly thinking I could deceive Gii that it was all normal, that there was nothing bad about that.

But I couldn't stop crying. Those tears continued to fall on their own free will like they were never ending.

They burned.

Maybe I didn't realize right away, but I know now. My mind is not clouded by hurt nor doubt anymore.

I look at Gii and can see my lover, the only person I trust unconditionally, whom I always felt safe with.

"I just miss you" I finally looked at him in the eyes. I felt mine well up in tears.

I saw the most gorgeous and breathtaking look of love on Gii's face. And I felt it. There and then. Our love. Our complicity. Our bond.

I felt every barrier collapse.

A light and serene feeling.

I finally have you back.

Your trembling hand reach my cheek hesitantly and I bask in your touch.  
Sighing in relief you finally envelop me in your arms again. I'm melting in your embrace. Oh how much I've missed your warmth. My beloved Gii.

"I love you" I heard say, although from whom I can't tell.

Being in your arms it's all it takes to forget all the harm that's passed. Your warm breath on my neck, your hand in my hair, your body pressed up to mine, your sweet scent, your arms holding me tightly; and I can only feel _you_.

"I missed your smile" Gii told me while his eyes darted to my eyes and my lips.  
I feel like I've finally freed my feelings from within me, and all the love and trust and abandon I've always felt towards Gii and towards our love is no more imprisoned and it's merging into me once more.

Still I know our connection never broke since I was able to feel your love for me, feel your feelings as they were my own, feel _you_.

_(Regular POV)_

Takumi felt Gii running the back of his hand on his cheek lovingly. Their eyes locked, shimmering with love, longing, relief, happiness, lust.  
But then for a moment it disappeared from Takumi's eyes and he looked down. For a second Gii's heart throbbed with worry, he wished for Takumi to look back in his eyes and cupped his cheek gently.  
Takumi finally found the courage to speak "I'm sorry for hurting you"

"You-" Gii's voice caught with emotion "You have nothing to be sorry for. I did notice I was causing you pain, but I couldn't bring myself to.." he paused; his parent's rejection towards their relationship still hurt and he couldn't say the words to his beloved even now, but there was no need this time, Takumi understood. Just those words would cause a pain in Takumi's eyes that Gii couldn't bear to be the cause of "I was hoping I could resolve this but it affected me more than I thought. I never meant to hurt you and I'm so sorry." This time Gii lowered his head trying to keep his composure. They were really talking now and he wanted to convey his feelings properly without breaking down.

"I know. I believe in you." Gii's hands never left his cheecks, and needing the physical contact with the other, their arms kept the other close, and they were continiously caressing face, hair; Takumi lightly put his hand over Gii's "I was hurt by your behavior, but most of all I was afraid of what it meant. So afraid that I isolated myself from you and in order to do so I bottled up my feelings, and I didn't let myself trust you."

Holding onto his beloved's nape, Gii put their foreheads together, the two lovers drowned in relief for still being allowed to do so.

"Can you forgive me?" Gii said at last

"If you can forgive _me_" there were no more words needed.

With happiness shining in their eyes, their mouths met in a loving kiss. Gii's hand was on Takumi's neck and while their kiss continued, in a loving caress it slowly reached lower, tracing his chest, down to his waist and going around his back letting it rest there.  
Takumi circled both arms around his shoulders and clung on tightly. Relishing in the gentleness of his touch and the sweetness of their kiss.  
Even so, the touch sent shivers down their bodies.  
Finally able to feel the other's body close after an inhuman length of time and after what happened, the need to express the love they felt and held back until now couldn't be contained anymore. It felt like they'd go insane if it couldn't be let out and expressed with everything they had; kisses, touches, words. And the kiss which started off as tender and slow, it became more demanding, intense, every passing second.  
But nothing seemed to be enough, so the touching became more feverish, their mouths hungrily tasting the other, eyes betraying the want, the need, the love.

Takumi felt Gii's hand traveling to his waist then up under his shirt to stop a few inches above his waistband feeling the contact with his skin. Their mouth never feeling the need to part.

"Takumi.." Gii's voice dripped with want and need, his eyes were reflecting the question his mouth left unspoken.  
Still, he didn't need to ask, Takumi in answer pulled him close capturing his lips in a lustful kiss; as Gii's hand started to trace his skin, Takumi sighed and after that it was all a blur.

_(Takumi's POV)_

Everything seems to work against us as we frantically try to bare ourselves. I feel my body sinking in the mattress under his weight, as his lips burn all over my body, and his hands leave me throbbing and needing more.  
He feels no need to take it slow, his need is as great as mine.

I feel every inch of his body on mine, but it's still not enough, and we try in vain to make more contact with more skin.  
Arms close tightly on the other's body, feeling the so missed closeness, face hidden smelling hair, mouth traveling south on its own accord, trailing lips on my throat, your hand in my hair. I shiver feeling pleasure going through my whole body. Our bodies joining as one.

As he waits, his arms close around my waist and our chests touch. His heartbeat is frantically racing along with mine until I can no longer tell them apart. Your warmth merging in with mine.

"Don't leave me" a soft whispered plea in my ear.  
The tightening of arms around his frame as an answer.

Moving in syncrony, arms surrounding my body keeping me close, my heart about to burst, your mouth touching what of me you can reach, and hovering on mine gasping in pleasure. Frantic movemets that for a moment slow down, you caress the side of my face and our kiss is tender; while moving slowly i can feel the pleasure we share intensifying, but we need more of each other so we go back to a fast pace until a jolt of pleasure flame through us and my mind goes blank.

When I catch my breath again I turn my head around a little and I see your face so close to mine resting between my shoulder and neck, your eyes closed, you're a sight to behold. My arms are full of you, your entire body is still pressed up to mine and I feel surrounded by your love; your arms keeping me as close as physically possible.  
Even if I'd never want to part from this sight, as I nuzzle my nose to the side of your face I can't help but close my eyes while breathing you in. Then I feel you raising your head and we touch noses lovingly. I open my eyes and what I see makes my heart do summersaults. Eyes shining in happiness and the most gorgeous smile. You don't even let me recover from the sight as you kiss my breath away, passionately, exploring, rediscovering. Loving me.  
I can feel the greatest happiness that only Gii can make me experience.

-:-

_Eventually they fell asleep holding each other tight. The same thought going through their minds: 'Nothing could ever be able to break us'._

~**FIN**~

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**Yep, we've reached the end of this fanfiction. I want to thank you all for sticking with me until the end even if it was sad ^^**  
**Thank you for commenting, and**  
**a special thank you to Dancingcandy, you're a star :)**

**Until next time~! xo**


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